A Gentle Reminder: A Biblical View of Marriage

By Sammie Gallo, Creator of Abundant Life: You Were Made for More

Forbes’ most recent compilation of divorce statistics in 2023 paints a clear yet grim picture regarding the state of marriage in our culture. While it’s true that far more people get married over the course of each year than get divorced, it’s also a fact that half of all first marriages dissolve. Not surprisingly, second and third marriages fall apart at an even higher rate. While the divorce rate is actually dropping, we shouldn’t be jumping to the conclusion that this is a good thing. You see, cohabitation is on the rise. 

According to the Pew Research Center, 59% of adults ages 18 to 44 have lived with an unmarried partner at some point in their life, while 38% of those who have cohabitated have had two or more live-in partners over the course of their life. This rise can be expected in a culture where 69% of Americans say cohabitation is acceptable even if a couple doesn’t plan to get married. The statistics also tell us that couples who choose to cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who don’t live together before marriage.

For those of us who have attended a wedding recently or tracked with a wedding ceremony on social media, it might be accurate to assume that when it comes to how we do marriage in today’s world, more time, effort, and money is put into the wedding ceremony and reception themselves, rather than in a couple’s healthy preparation for marriage. Think about it. The latest stats indicate that the average wedding in 2023 cost $30,000. Of course, that’s the average. FOR ONE DAY! Many of the weddings documented on social media had to have cost more. . . much more. . . than that. Dresses, venues, destinations, hair styling, flowers, make-up, photographers, music, etc. . . . it’s a lot. And in the most extreme of cases, the word “Bridezilla” appropriately captures what the quest for “the perfect wedding” does to so many. And then you get to thinking. . . “Half of these marriages will end in divorce.”

I realize that in today’s world, I’m actually in a minority, as marriage. . . and more specifically Christian marriage. . . is less and less the experience kids have in the home during their growing-up years. My husband and I often discuss the weight that comes with how we live out our beliefs in our marriage and model what that looks like for our kids. 

It’s always on my mind to help recover a clear sense of marriage, what it is, how it is meant to be lived out, and what it means to embrace the Creator of marriage’s good and glorious design for my kids as they grow up. 

That design is found in the first two chapters of Genesis, and affirmed throughout the entirety of Scripture. At its most basic, there are six aspects of God’s good and glorious design for marriage that we must teach and model for our kids.

First, marriage is heterosexual. God has established marriage as a place where a man and woman come together. Genesis 2:24 tells us that marriage is between a man (male) and a wife (female). Jesus, who was present and active in creation, affirms this in Matthew 19:5. In today’s world, perhaps it helps to qualify it even further, saying that marriage is between a biological male and a biological female.

Second, marriage is monogamous. God has established marriage to be between one man and one woman. Again, Jesus affirms this in Matthew 19:5. Polygamy, polyamory, adultery, and any other sexual sin is a compromise of the intent and honor of marriage (Hebrews 13:4), as these sins defile the marriage bed and warrant God’s judgment.

Third, marriage is to be committed. In stating their vows, a man and woman commit a covenant (a binding agreement/relationship between two parties) themselves to each other. Traditional vows read like this: “I, _____, take you, _____ to be my wedded wife (husband), and I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, as long as we both shall live.”

Fourth, marriage is to be public. Go back and read those vows again. Do you see it? “Before God and these witnesses.” Getting married is a public demonstration of a couple’s love and their vow to be committed to each other for life. For those of us who are witnesses to a marriage, we have a responsibility to support, encourage, and even remind couples of their commitment to each other in times when that commitment looks to waver.

Fifth, marriage is to be physical. The husband and wife become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), consummating their marriage through sex, which is a confirmation by the man and the woman of the public vow and covenant they’ve made between themselves. God has ordained that marriage is the place for sex, and that sex serves multiple functions beyond just consummation. Through marital sex, a couple answers God’s command to be fruitful, to multiple, and to fill the earth (Genesis 1:28). Through marital sex an intimacy and “knowing” too deep and rich for words strengthens and sustains a couple’s love. Through marital sex a couple is able to experience the God-given gift of pleasure as they express their God-ordained and built-in sexual desire for one another. Sex is so much more than our culture makes it out to be – in no way, shape, or form is it just a physical act, and it is SO important that we speak that to our kids. 

And last but not least (and probably the most humbling)- our kids need to learn that marriage is at times hard. It’s not always going to be easy – especially at the beginning, as you learn to become one with a person who is uniquely and innately different from you. If you talk to anyone who has been married for any length of time, you’ll hear them hopefully say that marriage can and should be many things – but it will never be boring. You will leave your beautiful moments with that person, your difficult moments with that person, and every mundane moment in between. Just like every individual – every couple will face battles – and it will take the support, love, and care of family, friends, pastors, therapists, and an unseen army of prayer warriors to hold most couples in healthy, thriving marriages together. The reality of marriage is that you are able to create a union of two good forgivers – people who champion one another, fight for one another, and are able to acknowledge their role in the relationship. 

In his book The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, Tim Keller writes this: “Real love, the Bible says, instinctively desires permanence.” That’s how God designed love – to pursue initially, but also to stay the course when things get tough. Real love is permanent.