LET’S DECODE DATING

By Sammie Gallo, Creator of Abundant Life: You Were Made for More

Have you ever felt totally lost in guiding teens through the dating culture today? It changes quickly, is vast, and sometimes can even be hard to navigate from the outside, let alone when you’re in it. Let’s chat about some dating do’s and don’ts that can keep everyone safe, and how we can honor God through the process. 

Do: 

• Do get to know each other as friends first and consider inviting others to discern with you. Talk in person. Do group activities with some friends. If you don’t know the person well, this is a great way to ensure safety (both physically and emotionally), especially in today’s dating culture that relies heavily on meeting people online. Tell people and invite them to be a part of that initial phase of getting to know somebody – I did this when I met my husband and have never regretted it! 

• Do take things slow. If you’re still in high school or even a young adult in your college years, you are probably a season or two out from getting  married, even if it is a true and good desire of your heart.  Keep things a little more casual and take it slow, physically and emotionally.

• Do trust your instincts. If you sense something isn’t right, get out of the situation. If you’re scared for your safety, call 911. This may sound extreme, but it’s more common than you’d think! This is another practical reason why inviting people into the initial dating phase with you can be essential to dating well. Also, a good rule of thumb is to always make sure somebody you trust has your shared location on your phone and knows your plans/where you can be. This way they can check up on you if they sense something is off. 

Don’t: 

• Don’t take any relationship to the next step over text. The best way to escape the gray area of “talking” or “hanging out” is to talk in person about when you’re just friends, when you’re getting to know each other better, and when you’re dating. Clear is kind. 

• Don’t tolerate anyone who violates your personal boundaries. If he or she doesn’t respond when you tell them to stop, leave the situation. 

• An obvious one – but I’m going to say it anyway! Don’t accept beverages from people you don’t know and don’t drink out of anything you’ve left unattended. “Date rape drugs” can be slipped into your drink when you’re not paying attention or without you even realizing it. Never assume you are safe. This can happen when you’re out, anywhere, anytime, with any random person who has malicious intentions even if you’ve never interacted with them. As my favorite true crime podcaster says, “be weird, be rude, stay alive.” 

After the initial dating phase, let’s consider a fair question: how does the other person act toward you? What’s considered a red flag, yellow flag, or green flag? 

Do they… 

• Flirt with other girls or guys?  
• Speak to you unkindly?  
• Speak unkindly about you to their friends?  
• Get irritated when you ask them clarifying questions, especially regarding the relationship?   

These are red flags. You can find someone better!

On the other hand, do they…  

• Sit quietly sometimes?   
• Not talk as much?   

I’ve had friends who have considered these things red flags, when in actuality, they are just flags that should encourage deeper conversations and questioning! I like to call those yellow flags. They’re just a sign something needs to be brought to the surface through genuine conversation and through inviting vulnerability into a relationship. He may have days when he is tired, shy, or still trying to figure out how he feels. Girls especially sometimes read into this, but it’s important to remember that guys don’t have hormone changes like girls do, but their emotions and energy levels do fluctuate.   

THE PROBLEM WITH ONLINE DATING

Dating in 2026 is hard because technology makes relationships feel more real than they are sometimes. Sometimes, you build a relationship online with someone and then meet them in person and the connection isn’t there. It’s hard to have a real conversation in real time. Don’t build relationships over text that are dependent on technology. Build them in real life. Ask hard questions. Use critical thinking. Have fun with one another.

Technology can be a great tool and companion to building relationships in real life, but we can’t negate that component entirely. Online life does not always translate to real life, especially if it is typing to have conversations and not talking to have conversations. 

A DEEPER QUESTION

Think about it this way. You’re living in two demanding worlds: the real world and the online world. The pressure can build quickly between dealing with school, activities, sports, and even your home life. Never mind the complexity of relationships—both friendships and romantic ones. Or being influenced or bullied by people online. 

Have you ever thought about what is your end goal for life – like what do YOU really want out of life?

Beneath the pressure of today’s world, you have dreams and hopes for your future. You’re on a journey to become a secure, confident person willing to work for a meaningful life. Many of the choices you make during this time of your life will affect you for years to come, both in positive and difficult ways.

According to the American Enterprise Institute and the Institute for Family Studies, only 3% of people end up living in poverty if they do these three things: 

• Get a high school diploma. 
• Maintain a full-time job. 
• And wait until marriage to have kids. 

That’s a success sequence I can get behind. But in order to get there, we really have to think about why we are making the choices we are making. Are the choices we are making today benefitting us in the long run or is it just a short term fixation to fulfill an immediate desire? Do we ACTUALLY love that person, or are we just infatuated with them? There is a difference – as parents, caregivers, and youth leaders this is an important distinction to make. Comprehending the distinction is totally dependent on a student’s ability to critical think, which is our responsibility to foster by initiating tough conversations, allowing a safe place for vulnerability, and basing their beliefs on God’s word and the Bible.

Dating CAN be fun and God-honoring! We just have to do it the right way. I invite you to check out this free resource from Human Life Alliance that separates dating do’s and dont’s into girls and guys formats and possibly consider using it for a group in the fall. Students, if you’re interested, you can get a free copy online, too!